So why haven't you been in a relationship?

I’m realizing from a friend that “I’m too busy” is a pathetic, pathetic little answer.

—

So, I haven’t kept folks updated on my love life (or lack thereof). It’s something I used to be pretty candid about, but somehow I’ve been less willing to talk about it (online and in person) maybe because I feel like the pressure has increased in these last few years.

Nowadays, I usually give folks one of two answers when asked about my love life:

1. “You know, I think I'm actually doing good now. I'm growing as a single guy, and I'm pretty satisfied on what God is doing now.” Some days I’ll really mean it. And some days I’ll fake my best smile.

2. “Soon…” I’ll give you a vague smile to make you think like I am a man with a plan with this girl I'm going to ask out in the next few days or weeks or years. I just won’t tell you specifics.

–

“Oh, you’ve never been in a relationship before?” People will usually repeat this aloud to themselves (maybe they don’t believe me?), then they tend to stare at me in this quizzical, critical manner like I’m a gazillion miles behind in the EQ Olympic Sprint/Marathon.

Rewind a bit to a story slightly tangential to the point I’m making:

I was painfully awkward in elementary school leading into 7th grade. I covered this up with a smiley nice-guy persona. Totally harmless. Totally spineless. Kept to himself but pretty darn shy, especially around girls. I theoretically knew they existed. They even seemed to be in my classes and around the playground areas. Too bad I never really talked to any of them, much less made friends with them. My first conversation with a g1rl was towards the end of 6th grade. It lasted about 10 seconds and I was so proud of myself.

High school was better, but not by a whole lot. Through church fellowship, I figured out then that girls aren’t so intimidating after all. I even made friends with a few, and had crushes on a fair share of them.

But let’s pair this still-awkward, more-or-less robotic interactions I have with girls and let’s couple it with the “don’t date in high school-or-else” mentality that’s pretty prevalant in the Asian church (that’s a another story) and you have a recipe for the “let’s be friends but keep our distance so that we won’t raise the chances of developing feelings/become codependent/be distracted from studies/fatally fall in love/make babies/drink from the flask of heartbreak too soon” mentality.

Hmm...more on this for another day...=)

Okay, tell me what you really want to do

I want to climb to the top of my roof and watch the sun rise or set with the Bible in hand.

I love to do more with photography.

I want to learn more about music:

• Play the guitar with more ease, finesse, and style.
  
• Expand into the bass guitar and maybe electric too.
  
• Get vocal training so to be able to sing well.
  
• Lead worship with a team. Maybe even write some songs together and do some recording.
  

I would love the opportunity to act in a stage or film production. Maybe even try my hand in some of the writing process.

I love people and really want to live life with them.

I like to get back into the martial arts.

I want to do something adventurous and almost daredevil-like (i.e. skydiving, bungee jumping).

I would like to do more writing, whether on a song or in this blog.

I want to travel and see different parts of the world in its beauty and glory.


What do you want to do? What do you love to do?

Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Somehow, I am kind of a controlling perfectionist wrapped up in love for others (if there ever is such a thing).

No wonder the answer of "no" is the last thing that goes through my head when someone asks for help. Likewise, I frequently try looking for ways to improve how things work in this world.

After taking the Myers-Briggs personality test a second time, it's pretty clear I fall in "The Caregiver" group. Funny, since I thought I had more of the "executive" blood in me.

The real catch now is finding which parts of me are simply "who I am ", and which parts I need to submit to God so His Spirit may work to transform these for His glory.

What a wonderful Maker
What a wonderful Savior
How majestic Your whispers
and how humble Your love
With a strength like no other,
and the heart of a Father
How majestic Your Whispers
What a wonderful God. =)

All I Can Say

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet


Please remember me in prayer, as I feel like I have been living this song for a couple weeks now. Somehow, a heart on fire for God and His people can sometimes feel like the only one beating at all.

Ping-Pong

After small group / fellowship on Friday nights, my boys and I would usually head out to chill from the week, usually through cafe hangouts, playing some friendly poker, or just hard-core video gaming. But recently, my buddy Zhi got a ping pong table and we started adding that to our night's activities. I used to play a bit many years ago (think last century), and it was refreshing to shake some dust off those table tennis reflexes. I'm starting to play more often and even began switching it up with Tuesday bowling night.

When I came home on Saturday morning from the previous night, I had this conversation with my Dad:

Dad: So did you guys play poker last night?

Me: Nope. We actually played some ping pong @ Zhi's.

Dad: Really? Did you have fun?

Me: Oh YEAH! It was a lot of fun. Guess I haven't forgotten some of what you and Mom taught me. [pause] Are you still pretty good?

Dad: [chuckles] I can still beat you, Albert.


So after my PE exam in October, expect a match-up of the century. =)

So Long, School

It finally hit me today (of all days): the end of school.

Around this time of the year, I would be walking into a classroom, greeting friends around me, and taking a seat behind a desk. Without missing a beat, I would whip out a pencil and a notebook from my messenger bag, and be ready to engage the lecture before me. It was an everyday routine to follow - only now it is neither everyday nor a routine in my life anymore.

It really feels freeing yet somehow unsettling. While I appreciate the open evenings and no ties to any homework (woohoo!), I can't help but remember the simplicity of it all - having less responsibilities and more opportunities at your fingertips to learn anything you want. I guess after being in school for most of my life (so far), I realize that such an experience does grow on you. And when it's finally over, you are still left with that wonder on how those years made that difference in your life.

Praise God for those 18 years in school (fall, winter, and through most summers too!). It's a time I will cherish for the long hall.

"May our dreams always be bigger than our memories." ~ S.W.

Surf's Up!

Despite all the encouragements, I decided to opt out of the annual summer retreat in UCSD, and instead spend the last weekend of summer just relaxing at home. Ironically, there isn't much rest at a church-wide retreat (or at least, I know I wouldn't!). =) In addition, I still needed to gather some my thoughts on the summer and gather energy for the exciting year ahead. Since it was scorching hot, I thought it would be a good idea to hit the waves once more yesterday with my friend Garth.

We went to Manhattan Beach (conveniently right next to his place in El Segundo), and found a good spot in the midst of the Labor Day weekend crowds. I definitely felt more confident my second time around in the ocean, and caught some pretty good waves that late morning. I even came close to standing on my board for about 4 seconds (before wiping out)!

Such a fun water sport and a good ride onto the beach. I just might have to get a wet suit and my own board to do this during the off-season months. =) Cowabunga, dude!