Sunday, February 15, 2009

Love by the book

Sometimes, I wonder if I got it all wrong…

Like I should not have listened to my friends and all those "Dating for Dummies" books.

Instead, I should have turned to the ONE book that had ALL the answers I needed…

As presented by Rick Holland, the college ministry pastor at Grace Community Church, 'lo and behold:


These are some of the ways that people found a wife or a husband in the Bible:

  • You could find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes, and then she’s yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
  • Hey! Go find a prostitute and marry her! That’s what Hosea did in Hosea 1:1-3.
  • Find a man with 7 daughters and impress him by watering his flock. Moses did that in Exodus: 20:16-20.
  • Here’s one for the ladies; ladies pay attention:
    Find a man who’s sleeping, lay down by his feet, uncover his feet so that he gets cold, when he wakes up, you propose. That’s what Ruth did in Ruth 3:3-9.
  • Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one, and carry her off to be your wife. That’s exactly what the Benjamites did in Judges 21:19-25.
  • Just have God create you the perfect woman while you sleep. Now this will cost you a rib, men. Adam did that in Genesis 2:19-24.
  • Agree to work 7 years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage, (some of you guys worry about 7 days), but if you perchance get tricked into marrying the girl’s sister, which has happened, then work another 7 years for the woman you really wanted to marry in the first place—that’s right 14 years for that special bride. Jacob did that in Genesis 29:15-30.
  • You could cut off 200 foreskins of your future father in law’s enemies, and get his daughter for a wife. That’s what David did in 1 Samuel 18:27.
  • Even if no one’s out there, you just wander around a while and God will find someone for you. That’s what Cain did in Genesis 4:16-17. It’s all relative, of course.
  • Become the emperor of a great nation and have a beauty contest, Ahasuerus did that in Esther 2:3-4.
  • When you see someone that you like, go home and tell your parents, “I HAVE SEEN A WOMAN.”…”NOW GET HER FOR ME.” That’s what Samson did in Judges 14:1-3.
  • Find a woman that you like who is married, and kill her husband and take her for your own. That’s what David did in 2 Samuel 11.
  • You could wait for your brother to die, and take his widow—that’s what Boaz did with Ruth. Ruth 1-4.
  • Or don’t be so picky. If you want to do it the way they do it in the bible, just make up for quality for quantity, and marry 700. That’s what Solomon did in 1 Kings 11.

We all want to do relationships biblically. But when you begin reading about relationships in the Bible, there is no one single, transcendent path that comes to the surface—they all didn’t do it the same way."

So that's what I've been doing wrong…=)  Read and learn.


So who do you think had it the easiest?  hardest?

2 comments:

Jules said...

Well...supposedly David did it the wrong way. So you're doing it right.

Rebecca L said...

I think hosea had it the hardest but he endured. Cain had it the easiest, poof woman!

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